First Elements
by x19Narya90x
Summary: Severus Snape faces a choice on the night after his DADA O.W.L. Initially follows canon, then diverts significantly - I invite you to sit back and watch as the butterfly's wings begin to flap...
1. First Elements

A/N: This is an AU of/sort of sequel to one of my other stories, _The Other Memory. _It will probably work as a standalone, but certain references might make more sense if you read _The Other Memory _first.

* * *

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not interested."

"I'm sorry!"

"Save your breath."

The ice in Lily Evans' tone brooked no argument. Severus bit his lip and did his best not to shiver in the draughty corridor outside Gryffindor Tower.

"I only came out because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here."

He nodded. "I was. I would have done. I never meant to call you Mudblood, it just-"

"Slipped out?" she spat, tossing her head. "It's too late. I've made excuses for you for years..."

He listened with his head hung as she vented her anger, wincing at the accusation in her voice but knowing that he had no means or right to defend himself. His blood burned under his skin at the thought of what he had called her that afternoon. Oh, Merlin, if he could only take it back – he truly hadn't meant to say it, but his nerves had already been frayed by the exam and the bullying...and, of course, the kiss.

Their words echoed in his mind again.

_"Sev?"_

"_Yeah?"_

"_Kiss me?"_

Her voice, sharp and irate, cut across his thoughts. "You can't wait to join You-Know-Who, can you?"

He jerked himself back to the present and opened his mouth to make a reply, then shut it again. They'd had this discussion that very afternoon. He still had no idea what to say.

"I can't pretend any more. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine."

Panic rose in his throat, cold and cloying. "No – listen, I didn't mean –"

"– to call me Mudblood?" She raised her eyebrows scornfully. "But you call everyone of my birth Mudblood, Severus. Why should I be any different?"

"Lily – wait –"

But she had turned her back, cool as ever, and was now climbing back through the portrait hole.

"Please, Lily. I can explain..."

But the Fat Lady swung to a close, folded her arms and regarded him as she might a fly crawling up the frame of her painting.

Severus Snape swallowed and began to make his way back to the dungeons. His eyes stung, hot with moisture. He blinked, cursing the dust of the ancient castle.

_That's it, then. The parting of the ways. Like she said, you've both chosen._

Except he hadn't. Not really. By virtue of his house and his friends (excepting Lily), his path had almost been laid before his feet. The Dark Lord and his band of Death Eaters seemed like the answer to so many of his troubles – a stream to slake his thirst for knowledge, a way to finally be free of his father and impress his mother, a chance to matter, to be important, to never be the victim again. Ideas he'd cherished his entire life – that wizards were superior to Muggles, that purity of blood was intrinsically linked with power and authority – might become more than dreams and ideals if Voldemort rose to power.

And yet Lily was a Muggleborn. Lily was the cleverest witch in their year.

Lily had shown him kindness and understanding when nobody else had bothered to find out what lay behind his rude, sullen mask.

According to the Dark Lord, people like Lily had no right to their gift of magic. People like Lily were inferior, and should perhaps not even have attended Hogwarts in the first place. How could that be fair or right?

Severus tugged his fingers through his long black hair, as he often did when anxious. He loved Lily. He had realised that much the moment his lips had touched hers. But Lily now despised him – and besides, could he bring himself to walk away from everything he'd always told himself to want? From the power and freedom that surely awaited him if he chose to follow the Dark Lord?

He collapsed onto his four-poster bed. Tonight would be a long night. He very much doubted he'd be getting any sleep.


	2. The Genesis of the Butterfly

The corridors were full of the usual lively banter as the occupants of Hogwarts made their way down to breakfast. Friends laughed and called to each other over the chattering crowd, and the smell of fried bacon drifted out of the Great Hall and beckoned to the students' hungry stomachs. Severus Snape, as usual, kept his head down and his eyes peeled for one face in particular. This morning, though, when she caught him looking, she quickly averted her gaze and turned to talk to James Potter.

Fury rose like bile in his throat. He clenched his fists and willed all sorts of colourful and humiliating misfortunes upon the handsome Gryffindor Seeker.

"Oi! Snape!"

Mulciber's voice carried across the high-pitched gabble of the lower years. Reluctantly, he turned to face his housemate. "What do you want?"

Mulciber raised his eyebrows. "No need to be like that."

"Sorry. Bad night's sleep."

This, at least, was true. Even when he had eventually dozed off, his dreams had been woven through with images of Lily Evans - Lily laughing and smiling, Lily bouncing with excitement as a teacher explained some obscure magical concept, Lily kissing him by the lake and all the world feeling like it suddenly made sense...

"I've been thinking," Mulciber announced.

_Never a good sign._ "Oh?" Severus said aloud, sounding mildly bored.

"That Walker kid in Second Year - getting a bit above himself, wouldn't you say? Just because his cousin's right in with the Lestranges and the Malfoys...what do you think? Teach him a lesson?"

"Whatever." Severus' eyes strayed over to Lily again as they entered the Great Hall. She was now sitting next to James Potter and acting for all the world as though the story he was telling was the most fascinating thing she'd ever heard.

He felt faintly sick as he seated himself at the Slytherin table.

*

Running his exam timetable over in his mind once again, Severus made his way out into the Entrance Hall after a scanty breakfast of pumpkin juice and a few scraps of toast. His appetite seemed to have vanished along with the delirious happiness of yesterday afternoon. A cool summer breeze blew in through the open front doors, and he vaguely contemplated going for a walk in the grounds to collect his thoughts - but walking in the grounds was something he always did with Lily, and at the moment he was the last person that Lily would want to spend time with.

As if on cue, her laugh rang out across the hall, pretty and delicate yet full of life. Potter stood next to her, looking immensely pleased with himself.

_One spell. One little curse, to wipe the grin off that smug git's face..._

Before he could reach for his wand, a small blonde boy of about thirteen hurtled past him, knocking him out of the way.

"Steady there, Walker!" called Professor Slughorn from the back of the crowd as Severus staggered sideways.

"Half-blood brat," muttered Mulciber from beside him, and before Severus had realised what his housemate intended to do, the word had already been spat into the air. "_Crucio_."

Walker dropped to the floor as if he'd just run into a solid wall, then began to writhe and scream. His pale face contorted into a terrible rictus of pain, and for the second time that morning Severus felt the urge to vomit as the boy's limbs began to flail in all directions...

"What on Earth is going on there?" Slughorn's anxious voice queried as he struggled to get a good view over the heads of the horrified onlookers.

Severus glanced from Walker to Mulciber and back again - then movement on the opposite side of the crowd caught his eye. Lily Evans was elbowing her way to the front.

"Excuse me...sorry...let me through, I'm a Prefect!"

An uncomfortable longing ache lodged in his chest at the sound of her voice, at the unconscious bite of authority that was at once so irritating and so wonderfully familiar. He glanced back at Mulciber, who looked for all the world as if he too were no more than a stupefied bystander. Clearly he had been practising his Unforgiveables.

Severus made up his mind and reached for his wand. "_Expelliarmus,_" he muttered, pointing it at his housemate.

Mulciber gaped in shock as his wand shot neatly from his own hand into Severus' outstretched palm.

"What was that for?" he hissed out of the corner of his mouth.

Severus did not know, nor did he have time to think of an answer. Lily had neatly sidestepped the cluster of Walker's yearmates now kneeling in concern beside their friend, and was standing in front of him with her hands on her hips and her eyes blazing.

"Torturing Second Years? A little low even for you, isn't it, Snape?"

He gaped wordlessly, not sure whether he was more stunned by her accusation or her use of his last name. "Lily – I didn't –"

"Lily, my dear girl, whatever is going on?" puffed Slughorn, finally managing to push his way through to the front.

"Severus Snape just used the Cruciatus curse on Aled Walker, Professor," Lily said coolly, holding his gaze with those painfully green eyes.

"A serious accusation," said Slughorn gravely, pushing his spectacles up his nose. "What makes you say so?"

"Just look at Walker, sir!" For an instant her voice spiralled in pitch. "He was shrieking and – and thrashing on the ground..."

She stopped and swallowed, her disgust evident. Severus took advantage of her temporary silence to interrupt, "I didn't like it any more than you did, Lily – it wasn't me –"

"You're the one holding a wand!"

"Now, now, that will do," admonished Slughorn, and called to the Second Years, "Is Mr. Walker alright?"

"Yes, thank you, sir." The blonde boy was getting shakily but determinedly to his feet, assisted by a dark-haired Slytherin girl whose name temporarily escaped Severus. "I'm fine."

"Perhaps you'd better visit the hospital wing?"

"No, sir. I'll be alright."

"Professor, aren't you going to do anything about Snape?" Lily demanded angrily.

Slughorn puffed and shuffled awkwardly. "Innocent until proven guilty, Lily, m'dear...innocent until proven guilty..."

Lily tossed her head, red hair rippling back over her shoulders. Severus caught the delicate scent of her shampoo and felt his stomach twist itself into a pleasant kind of knot, and felt his head float hazily as his eyes came to rest on her lips. "Sir, it wasn't me," he heard himself saying, barely aware that his mouth was moving at all. "It was Mulciber."

Slughorn frowned, evidently bemused by this newest accusation. Lily raised her eyebrows, still disbelieving. Mulciber, beside him, shot him a look that could kill.

_Probably just as well he doesn't have his wand on him at the moment_, thought Severus. Panic at what he had just done began to scramble his insides, but there was no changing it now. He might as well finish what he'd started. "I have his wand here – and mine. I Disarmed him."

"A likely story!" scowled Lily.

"Actually, there is a way to tell," said Slughorn mildly, looking at Severus as though he had never seen him before in his life. "_Priori Incantem._ Now, Mr. Snape, if you would be so kind as to hand over those wands..."

Severus complied, at the same time shooting glances at the various older Slytherins assembled in the Hall. All were looking at him with expressions ranging from mild surprise to complete shock – and some, like Mulciber, looked ready to commit murder.

_What,_ he wondered, _in the name of the Founders' best dress robes have I started here?_


	3. Watch Your Step

A/N: Apologies to anyone who's left a review that I haven't responded to; I've had a busy few days. Your feedback is massively appreciated, and I'll try to be better with reviews for this chapter.

* * *

He didn't have to wonder for long.

After being hauled into Dumbledore's office for an interview (never a comfortable experience, he thought, his stomach twisting at the memory of those piercing blue eyes behind the half-moon spectacles), he had been cleared of all blame. The _Priori Incantatem _had proved his innocence beyond doubt; Dumbledore had even expressed himself "proud" of his, Severus', behaviour.

_Wonders will never cease, _thought Severus, a strange dull warmth glowing in his stomach that he couldn't quite name. He had spent his entire school career telling himself that he didn't care a whit for the opinions of his dotty old headmaster – except, deep down, he had to admit that he found Dumbledore rather frightening. Behind the eccentricity and kind demeanour slept a wisdom and power that he wondered if even Voldemort himself would dare to challenge.

Lily, though, as he had half-expected, had said nothing.

As he made his way back down to the dungeons, he resolved that he would go and talk to her again later on. Perhaps she was still angry with him. No, not perhaps – almost certainly. He'd give her a few hours to recover her composure after this morning, maybe even feel a twinge of guilt over her accusation, and then try to reason with her. It had only been a slip of the tongue, after all. A mistake, which he regretted.

Lost in his thoughts as he entered the common room, he did not at first notice the many pairs of eyes tracking his movements. It took a not-so-subtle cough from Avery to catch his attention, and immediately his heart plummeted into his stomach.

_I suppose I should have expected this, _he thought, his blood seeming to prickle under his skin as he surveyed the scene.

What seemed like every Slytherin from Fourth Year and above (and a smattering of those below) was lounging about on the rugs and carved armchairs in what would have looked like attitudes of casual repose, were it not for the expressions on their faces. These ranged from carefully neutral to hell-sent fury, made worse by the greenish glow of the light in the room. First and Second Years leaned against walls, nervously chewing their lips, or else were pressing themselves into corners as though this would make them less visible, or peeking out from behind the doors to their dormitories.

Avery stepped forwards, arms folded. "Snape."

"Avery," he returned as coolly as he could, eyeing the tall, brawny boy with no small measure of apprehension.

"Thought you'd let Mulciber take the blame for that little stunt with Walker, did you?"

His mind exploded in a whirl of panic; various thoughts flashed across it, including an impressive selection of colourful words that Professor McGonagall would have given him a week's detention for using.

_Calm, _he told himself, breathing deeply but unobtrusively. _Keep calm._

He faced Avery as a Muggle might face a snarling dog – with a forced stillness intended to avoid further aggravation. "There's no 'let' about it, Avery. Mulciber cast the spell. Even Dumbledore couldn't alter the results of a _Priori. _You know that."

"Maybe," said Avery, unfolding his arms and sliding his hand towards his right pocket. "But turning in your own housemates? What prompted that little act of conscience, I wonder? Are you turning Gryffindor on us, _Snivellus?_"

The use of the cruel nickname bestowed upon him by Potter rankled, but Avery's slow, steady movement towards his wand was foremost in Severus' mind. Fear pumped through him with every heartbeat.

_Stop it, _he told himself firmly, in Lily's voice. _Think. Lie._

For lie he must – he doubted that an effort to impress Lily Evans would excuse him in Avery's eyes. "First off," he said slowly, trying to gain time to collect his thoughts, "no, I'm not turning Gryffindor. That's the last thing one of them would have done – remember all that stupid loyalty stuff they believe in? I'm a Slytherin, like you. We were all sorted here for similar reasons. We don't fight a losing battle, right?"

Some of his unwanted audience relaxed a little, leaning back in their chairs and even looking vaguely interested. He noted this with relief. This was good. "If Mulciber's stupid enough to go throwing Unforgivables around in front of teachers," he continued, "then he should be able to take the consequences. If he'd carried on, he'd have been caught, no question – nothing else produces that kind of pain for that length of time. Slughorn would have worked out what was going on, and if nobody had confessed then he'd have probably _Priori_'d every wand in the room; I know Dumbledore's an old fool, but he wouldn't be happy if one of his staff let a Cruciatus slide under their nose. I Disarmed Mulciber – a bit less obvious than wrestling him to the ground, you know – and hoped Slughorn might think Walker had had some kind of fit or something. But when Lil – when Evans," he corrected himself, colour rising in his sallow cheeks, "accused me, what choice did I have? Either confess and get hauled up in front of the Ministry, or hand over Mulciber's wand. I mean, come on, what would all of you have done?"

Avery tilted his head, looking thoughtful. "The same, of course." He gave a curious slow nod, almost appearing impressed. "Apologies, Snape. That was quick thinking. Shame for Mulciber that it didn't come off."

Golden relief flooded through him, and he fought to keep it off his face. "Well, what did you expect?" he said, lifting his head in what he hoped was an arrogant manner. "I'm not some half-brained no-hoper from Hufflepuff."

"No. True."

Deciding he might as well keep up the act, he drew himself up and asked with a drawling insolence, "Alright if I go now?"

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

A few minutes later, and for the second time in twenty-four hours, Severus collapsed onto his four-poster with his mind feeling as though someone had taken a whisk to it.

_Too close, Snape, _he berated himself. _Much too close. You know what they can do. Watch your step._

*

After a couple of hours spent studying for his Potions exam, Severus decided to go in search of Lily. His mind was not on his work, and after the events of this morning he felt a walk would do him good.

His stroll through the common room attracted no attention, something he never thought he'd be so relieved to notice – despite the discussion that morning, he still half-expected Avery to jump out from behind a book case and hit him with some hideous hex or jinx. He was busily planning his speech to Lily, barely aware of where his feet were taking him, when he became aware of running footsteps behind him.

"Snape!"

The voice was male, but high-pitched and youthful – one of the younger students, he surmised. He turned around to see Walker sprinting towards him.

"Don't you ever do as your name suggests and walk anywhere?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sorry," the blonde boy panted. "Wanted to – to – catch up with you..."

"Get your breath back," Severus advised him, feeling faintly amused.

The boy grinned. "Sorry," he said again. "I'm – alright."

"What did you want?"

"Just to say thanks – you know – for this morning."

"Oh!" Severus felt a pang of warm surprise in his stomach, but suspicion and common sense quickly reasserted themselves, and he reverted to his act from earlier. "Well, like I said, I didn't do it for you. I was just trying to stop Mulciber getting himself into any more trouble than he needed to be."

"Rubbish." Walker folded his arms and stared up at Severus, confidence and determination etched into his face. "I wasn't so far gone that I couldn't hear what you were saying to that Evans prefect from Gryffindor."

"I don't-"

"'I_ didn't like it any more than you did,' " the_ younger boy quoted, holding his ground.

Severus stared at him, sizing him up. His composure and self-confidence seemed strangely out of place in a Second Year – then he remembered what Mulciber had told him about this boy only hours earlier. "No need to be so full of yourself," he said coldly. "Your cousin being good friends with the Malfoys and the Lestranges doesn't make you any better than any of the rest of us."

Walker's face darkened, and he glanced behind him as though afraid of being overheard. "I only go on about that to keep myself safe from people like your friends," he murmured.

Severus frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I've not seen Marcus – my cousin – for years," the boy admitted. "But I thought if I made it sound like I had – I dunno, I suppose...I'm not..."

"Powerful relatives won't keep you safe," Severus interrupted, suddenly understanding. "A family name doesn't make you immune – the Dark Lord won't want followers who can't stand on their own two feet. In fact, if you go around shooting your mouth off and acting like you're the next Boy Wonder, you're even more likely to get yourself into trouble."

"Like today."

"Like today." Severus sucked thoughtfully on his bottom lip. "Why are you telling me this?"

The shadow lifted from Walker's features. "Because I know you weren't telling the truth earlier on in the common room. Not all of it, anyway."

"Oh, do you?"

"Yes. What you were saying made sense to them, of course, so they bought it."

"Why didn't you?"

"I heard what you said about Evans in the hall. And you nearly called her 'Lily' earlier. I know you two spend a lot of time together, even though you try to avoid being noticed..."

Irritation and a blade of fear flashed through Severus. "What do you want, Walker?" he asked roughly. "Get to the point!"

For the first time, Walker looked unsure of himself. "I realised – well, I assumed – you care about her, don't you? She's your friend. Maybe more. I don't know. Or she used to be, anyway..."

"Have you been following me or something?" Severus snapped.

"No! But not all Slytherins are as dense as your friend Mulciber." Walker eyed him mulishly. "I am right, aren't I?"

Severus hesitated, unwilling to tell anyone – especially not a Second Year he barely spoke to – how he felt about Lily. He decided to play for time. "I'm going to ask you again. What do you want?"

"Nothing. Not yet, anyway."

"Not yet?" His patience began to fray. "Walker, I don't care who your cousin is, but I do know that I'm a Fifth Year and you're a Second Year, and I know spells that should have you clutching your teddy bear at the very thought of them..."

"Ooh, threats. I'm terrified." The boy stared up at him coolly. "I thought you might be better than that, Snape. My mistake."

He pushed past Severus and strode away.

"Walker!"

"What?" The younger boy turned around, obviously reluctant. "Make it good."

Severus had to resist the urge to laugh; the boy's self-assurance was almost comical. "Why are you asking me all this?"

Again Walker glanced around, then sidled back to Severus, obviously not wanting to be overheard. "Because I don't think I'm the only one in our house who isn't convinced about all this Pureblood rubbish, and supremacy for wizards and what have you. I don't think you believe in it either."

"How would you know what I believe?"

"You're friends with Evans. She's Muggleborn. And I don't think you like some of the ethics – or rather, lack thereof – that Avery and that lot stick to."

Severus shook his head, shaken but impressed. "And you say that because...?"

"You stopped Mulciber." Again Walker folded his arms. "I could be wrong about you, of course, but I don't think I am."

Severus took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "Walker, listen to me very carefully. Don't mention any of this to anyone, unless you want to repeat your experience from this morning. And no, that's not a threat – it's a warning." He decided to repeat his own advice to himself. "Watch your step."


End file.
